all that personality

being weird is embracing the parts of you that color outside the line. when i socialize with people i don’t know, i think i spend every single second trying to figure out how to color inside the line. this is masking. i mask. for sure.

IT IS EXHAUSTING.

the other day i asked birsa if he thinks i’m repressed and he said, “with me? no. with other people? definitely.” damn. tell me how you really feel.

i don’t know what it is exactly. i want to say it’s a compulsive need to control how people perceive me. a way to feel safe? to protect myself? against…? the boogeyman? i seriously don’t know what i think will happen if i let all of my personality come out. i suppose it’ll be like farting in public. embarrassing, but ooooh the relief.

well, i’d like you all to know that i am farting in public in small, controlled quantities. i am scared to death that i will accidentally fart too loud and cause a world war. irrational, i know.

there are all these pre-conceived notions i’ve been putting on myself about being a life coach. i look at my videos, and say wow, she’s not giving “life coach”.. she’s giving... hm… “sweet goblin.” and while i love that for me, it makes it very confusing to create a brand. like, i cannot for the life of me, wrap myself into a cute sellable package. i color outside the lines. and i don’t think there’s a market for a sweet goblin life coach… yet.

so fuck it we outside. if i can’t make a living being 100% myself, then i’m selling hot air. the best thing i can do is lead by example. every psychic i’ve been to has told me #1. i am a leader and #2. i will lead by example. so. here you go. all that personality. in your mouth.